Don't be naive, zombies CAN run.

I must warn you, I wrote the following blog under normal conditions, but then decided to go to the local pub to try out my first British pints, so I am about to re-read what I have written and edit where I feel necessary. And just so you know, never say to the barman “something good, but cheap.” It may be cheap, but it is never, ever, good.

Monday - 8:00am hits, and off to Reading it is. Another sunny and rather hot day, as well. “Oh James, the weather in England is going to be dreadful.” “Oh James, you aren’t going to see the sun for the next 6 months!” Oh really? Is that so is it? ‘Cause I’m looking out the window as I write this, and there’s a big yellow thing in the sky and it isn’t Big f**king Bird. Take that, nonbelievers and pessimists! 4 days of sun, and counting.

So yes, off to Reading. Jax drove us to the university, as she is a lecturer there and had some research to do. I went to the busstop and waited. It arrived. DOUBLE DECKER. HolymotherofchristIamsoexcited. No, I was not drunk when I wrote the previous sentence. I did in fact mean to leave out spaces between each word, so that when you read it, you read it at a pace that represents the way I was thinking it in my head and therefore will appreciate the level of excitement I had. My first double decker experience. My first UK public transport experience. Oh, I hope the bus driver likes me.

He didn’t.

£1.70? Too easy. Here’s £2.
“Put it in the slot.” – no James, don’t say it. A “that’s what she said joke” would not go down well here.
£2 in the slot. ACCOMPLISHMENT! I had purchased my first foreign public transport ticket. Great happiness! But wait, where is my change? Oh no, WHERE IS MY CHANGE? Where was my 30 pence?! I had gotten my hopes up. The proud feeling of accomplishment vanished immediately, as I asked the driver where my change was.
“We don’t do change. You should know that.”
Friendly chap, yeah? I hope things go well for you in the future. *insert intense amount of sarcasm here*

The bus trip into the central part of Reading was made difficult by the intense struggle I had to not join in the conversation in front of me. Two 15 or 16 year old boys were talking about zombie’s. And they were wrong. Zombie’s CAN run. The super Zombie’s can. Have you never seen 28 Days Later? IT’S SET IN ENGLAND. Twirps. What did they know about Zombie’s. They haven’t had the years practice and experience Liam and I have had, planning escapes from each of our classrooms at school for 2+ years, in case a Zombie attack ever did occur. A waste of time? No. No it was not. Because when they come, we’ll be ready. Oh yes, we’ll be ready.

OK. Wow, that’s awkward. Got a bit carried away there. Central Reading! Fantastic. I find my way to the Thames and search for a good place to have coffee, as it is still early and almost no stores are open yet.

Ordering coffee – a simple task, yes?
WRONG. Dead wrong. The young lady who served me, while both kind and polite, had a tendancy to double question everything she asked.
‘So do you want it in Grande size, yes, do you?’
‘It’s take away, no, isn’t it?’
‘You want sugar, yes, don’t you?’

...

Christ. What the fuck did she just ask? Should I just nod? Or are double questions like double negatives and by nodding would I be agreeing to disagree with everything she had just said. What had she just said. I panicked, and looked around. Fuck it. I nodded, hesitantly and crookedly, with my right eye half shut. It was weird. She knew it. I knew it.

One awkward cup of grande non-takeaway coffee with sugar later, and the stores were open. First it was off to buy a tent for Pukkelpop music festival. The lady reccommended one that was 50% off. Fantastic! I’ll take it. As I am about to puschase it, she adds “but if it rains, you’ll get wet. And so will your stuff.”

I’m sorry, but are your parents also cousins? Do you think maybe that’s some information I could use when purchasing an item which is used for 3 things; Keeping me and my belongings safe, dry and out of the wind.

No deal. I decided to stand still and silent until she walked away, then proceeded to ask the man at the counter for help. He showed me the cheapest one that would also act as a protector from the rain. Cheers. I’ll take it.

Book store next – where I found the greatest book. Having just finished a book that turned out to be,more or less, an explicit sex novel about being 23 in Brisbane [more specifically, New Farm] – I was ready to read something that didn’t make me gag or use an online dictionary to find out what certain words meant – only to find that you needed a special kind of dictionary, or somebody with a great deal of, ah... experience. The NEW book is ‘Friends Like These’, and while I’m currently only 100 pages in – it is fantastic and I think anybody who is either 19, 29, 39 or 49 should read it. It is about turning the next big number – more specifically 30, for the guy in the book. And about refusing to grow up. I have laughed out loud a great deal, and am only telling you this so that I may have somebody to discuss the book with later. If it helps, it’s by the guy who wrote ‘Yes Man’, which was later turned into that Jim Carrey movie. Ok, enough with the reviews.

Next stop: The Gap. After a years of watching American teen movies and TV shows where they go to the Gap to buy their clothes and be hip, I WAS THERE. I may not have been hip, but I was there. I bought some stuff, no need to get into what. It took me a while to remember £30 did not equal $30 Australian, so the jumper may not have been a bargain afterall. Then I found a Ben Sherman store with 75% off. THAT WAS COOL. Moving on. Highlight of the day was some cool indie rocker looking guy coming up to me and saying “you look like you dig rock’n’roll” – why thank you. I thought this was the end of our conversation, and continued walking, with a smile on my face. He stopped me, apparently he wasn’t just a kind stranger offering compliments. He wanted something in return. The bastard! He actually just wanted to give me his CD and invited me to go to his gig in 2 weeks. We started talking about music, and what/who his band sounded like, and he was pretty cool. I would have been happy to continue talking, but then...

HE came. ‘He’ was this entirely creepy old dutch man who wanted my autograph. What. The. Fuck. I asked him why, and he said he had seen my on TV. I told him he hadn’t, and he said ‘but with a face like that’ – so not only was he drunk and possibly blind, it appeared he was hitting on me. OK. Stay calm. I began to continue walking and he followed, telling me I shouldn’t go to Amsterdam ever in my life. I told him I was going there next week. He warned me against it, and said he had seen a lot in his life. He saind Finland would suit me. I told him no. He continued talking, so I told him I had a bus to catch and ran off. He seemed to be still following me. I called Jax and told her I was coming back to the campus. Immediately, and hopefully without a companion. My city trip had been cut short, but if you had seen this man and his evident lack of both personal hygeine and teeth, you would understand.

Jax gave me a tour of the campus and took me to lunch, where she told me about the research she had been doing over the last 3 years. It was interesting, and about 10 knotches up from the last conversation I had been a part of [the old man talking about his ‘buddies’ on the street in Amsterdam] but then we decided to head home. Which leads me to now. Finished reading some of my book, and working out what to do next with my day. I might go to Tesco’s, as it is growing to be an addiction of mine. Then probably [haha now naive I was, looking back on this now I think I knew I would end up at the pub] off to The Prince on High St. In Crowthorne for a pint.

Adios!
ps. Blog will get more interesting after my night out on the town in Paddington on Wednesday with Hannah Newhnam, and after my Amsterdam hostel experience this weekend – sharing a room with 18 people. I will try not to blog from now on unless I have something interesting to write, as this seems to be a waste of space and time. No doubt Laura Templeton and Laura Cicchiello are the only 2 people who are actually reading this, and I bet only one of them are enjoying it. Thank you for your support, Laura’s. Especially whichever Laura is enjoying it...